Full Time Musicians with Families!

[Brian Wilson]

I'm a vrey young drummer who has been playing full time for the past year and a half. I am now in a wonderful situation where I just recently had a beautiful baby girl born (Feb. 18th, 2008), and I am looking forward to getting married to my girlfriend. I feel like my career is really just begining, and there is so much more I want to do within the industry. So, my question to all of the cats who are making it happen is...How do you have a successful family and have a successful carreer in an industry that could possibly demand you being away for extended periods of time?

[jay jackson]

Hey Brian!Congratulations on your baby!Well,the key to what you want to do is balance.I'm a father and husband myself and I know a bit about this situation.The first couple of months are crucial because of hormonal ups and downs.You have to reassure her that she's beautiful.Little things like domestic chores and helping out with the baby will go a long way when you get the call to go out.it's a very tricky time the first year because the baby gets all kinds of ailments.(crying is the only way they can comunicate)This can cause some anxiety for a first time mom whose husband might be in Jakarta or some other far away place.

You will be called on to summon a lot of inner strength so make sure you get your head on straight as well.It's a tricky task even if you're gigging in the same state,let alone another country.Make sure she has a strong network of support(relatives,girlfriends etc)while you're out.If she's couped up in the house alone,that post partum depression is pretty ugly.

Communication on a regular basis will reassure her the most.

Good luck,my man....j2

[Brian Wilson]

Thanks a lot Jay! That makes worlds of sense and I'll be sure to put it to practice. And yeah those a.m. feedings are killing me bro. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[jay jackson]

Beautiful baby,by the way.My wife is due in September.....

[Brian Wilson]

Thanks bro! Oh yeah...Congrats man! I hope and pray everything goes well!

[jay jackson]

P.S. Those a.m feeding are brutal!

[TRELLANIE]

Aww, she's adorable.!! I have a six month old. Hmm, let me shed some light on the other side for ya!! Lol!! My hubbyt is a drummer as well, and going out sometimes was a big deal, especially if it's not a good time. For instance, if things are haywire. I know in my situation, problems were always enough time wasn't spent with us as a family. And when there was time to spend it was still dedicated to his drumming. In example, if he was playing a lot and finally got a break for a couple of days, instead of spending it with us, he'd read modern drummer or watch videos, almost as if he wasn't aware that we even exsited. All while the kids were all screaming and running around the house and it was just crazy. It's like, I never got a break, from the kids, the house, the noise or anything (even the kids are drummers, so they beat on things all day). Things were just clashing all around me. And if I'd try to talk to him about what was going on, he'd take it another direction. So my advice to you is to listen to her, be aware of her needs and WANTS as much as yours. While you're out seeing the world and playing for exciting events, she's home wondering what you're doing (and that's not always good, even more if you're not talking or arguing) and if you're okay. She's also dealing with the baby's diaper changes, fussiness and sickness if that's the case. Just be mindful of her feelings and give her a break from the "bored " life sometimes!! Hopefully this helps,
Trell

[Brian Wilson]

Wow, very very insightful! Your words really help me to unnderstand that I am at least on the right path. I really do try to spend as much time as I can with my family, so that when I'm gone they know that I love them and am doing what I do, for them. Thank you ao much for letting me know what things look like from a woman's perspective.

[Greg "suave" brown]

thats cool inside info,,,,thanks

[Jeff Kissel]

Man you have to love your family and be true to them first. There are so many distractions and temptations, that often players just can't take the constant assult on good morals and values. It's a shady business, but you can keep a marriage and a family if you have a strong will. Be strong and avoid bad situations. If you party, don't get out of control and make sure you can trust your bandmates to respect your commitments. Peer pressure can be brutal. Also, build a strong local reputation so you can always work and earn good money if you're not on the road. Playing is the key, so try to put yourself in good situations that your family can support. We need the support from our families just like they need our support!

Hope these words of wisdom helped you out,

J.Kissel

[Greg "suave" brown]

you have to have the right woman,she must have patience, just like your thing is good now fast, it could turn around and be bad fast.....the key is to save money,,,dont go and buy A bunch of gear, and all just get what you need,,,,,i'm sure that pampers and formilar,,,or milk,,,is big money,,,your family needs you,,,,stay stronge and praise god,,, you will be fine......peace